I've started writing this blog post about six times today and I always end up deleting it and doing something else until I figure out what it is that I want to write about. And then it dawned on me. I was listening to this song called "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri. The song is very powerful all on its own, but once you pair it with a personal story, it gets a little more intense. The same thing happened when I was listening to "If It Means A Lot to You" by A Day To Remember. Besides the fact that both of these songs reminded me of one person in particular, I realized that I have made a lot of choices that have drastically affected my life.
I have been thinking a lot about past relationships lately. Both romantically and friendshiply (I know that isn't a word). Throughout the years I've lost a lot of friends. Some of them are just people I lost contact with but have talked to them off and on. Some are just people that wrote me off entirely for dumb reasons. But the friends I have now are the friends I plan on keeping. They are the ones that have proven that they aren't going to bail on me and leave to when I need someone the most. I'll say that I have four solid friendships. Three of them are from high school and one is from this past year. I know that I can go to them for literally anything and they will have my back and support me.
In regards to romantic relationships, I won't be getting into details. But I will say that I don't have any regrets with the guys I have been involved with. I have become a stronger person because of these boys. Two boys in particular have really changed the way I look at love. The first is someone that I never would have expected to be involved with. We have so much in common that it is almost freaky. I met him randomly and honestly thought I was going to marry the kid. But then things changed and I realized that he was in no way the one I was supposed to be with. He had a lot of growing up to do (and still does) and I just really have no time to sit around and wait for him to do that. And now, on to the next guy that has changed my life.
I know it is cliché for me to say that my boyfriend has changed my life, but he truly has. I was never the type of person to go for a long distance relationship. I need physical contact with the person I am involved with in order to feel a connection and I have a bad history with semi-long distance relationships and being cheated on (but I'll save that for another post). But something about Ryan changed my mind. He has made me see that love knows no distance, and that simple communication, trust and love can really make a relationship work, no matter how far away we are from each other. He accepts me for who I am and he doesn't want to see me change or be happy. We've been through quite a lot with each other and our relationship definitely was not started in a conventional way. But he gets me. I know I am only 19 and I have my whole life ahead of me, but I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I feel like Ryan and I will be together for a long time.
Enough about that. I feel like I was just rambling. I thought that my blog post after the weekend was going to be a lot more exciting, but I kind of let myself down. Maybe tomorrow will be better...
-krh
